THE CABIN IN THE WOODS dvd review: Library edition

Dark age and the final massacre....and that pretty much sums up this movie. Yup. I'm the last person to see this movie and everyone said it was great so it had been built up a little bit so when I put it on I thought to myself it's probably not THAT good. But, it's pretty good. It's funny and the story is great and spins the genre around AND it has ALOT of monsters! That's what won me over is all the monsters There is a acceptable level of bloodshed , wish there was a little more gore but that is a minor gripe. And I got this from the library! I liked the two guys in the control room and the dragon bat , the werewolf, AND the merman!! Loved the merman! 
    But alot of people don't like this movie , alot love it , but some hate it. I'd like to know what you think about it so please leave a comment! *arty

THE SNOWTOWN MURDERS dvd review

    Just watched the SNOWTOWN MURDERS and I gotta say I was pretty underwhelmed. If you are a freak like me then you are probably fascinated by true crime books and movies. Of course HELTER SKELTER, and the harrowing classic HENRY:Portrait Of A Serial Killer , even BUNDY, ED GEIN, and GACY are pretty good and I have not see THE GIRL NEXT DOOR but I hear that is pretty good and Jim Van Bebbers THE MANSON FAMILY is great. So I expected something dark, brutal, and disturbingly violent and I didn't get that. The movie looks good it has a grey, dark, dingey, desolate look and all the actors look sad, beaten, and broken and the actor who plays the main killer comes off as a real asshole jerk but THE SNOWTOWN MURDERS is not violent, bloody, and gory and that would have made it so much better!
    So I looked it up on the imdb to see what other people thought about it and to see if I just wasn't getting it but there are alot of different complaints about THE SNOWTOWN MURDERS. People complained about the heavy Australian accents and that they show stuff that really doesn't have anything to do with the main story and it seemed disjointed but my favorite comment was one poster who said " I'm glad I didn't pay for this movie to have a kid stare at me for two hours." Which is not too far off the mark! That's kind of what the movie feels like. Another poster mentioned it's good to know a bit about the murders before you watch it and another poster said you shouldn't have to study up for a movie.
    I might watch it again , I got it from the library so it was free but I was dozing off towards the end. SO yeah. And I got THE CABIN IN THE WOODS from the library too , so looking forward to that. *arty

SCALPED Book 9: Knuckle Up!

The Soundgarden song 'Spoonman' , has a line in it that goes "All my friends are indians , all my friends are brown and red." And I love all my red and brown brothers and sisters! And I love SCALPED! I hadn't read it in awhile but I got book 9 from the library and loved it like I love the previous 8! It's not zombies or vamps , or superheroes but I think it's one of the best comix comming out right now. 

    The first story in book 9 , Knuckle Up , really shoves it in your face how the settlers decimated the native American population. Did the scalphunters really use the skins of natives to make their saddles and reigns for their horses? We know they wiped 'em out we know that for sure. It covers a white father and son team who kill indians for money and how they helped kill off so many tribes , groups I've never even heard of.      Bloodlines and families utterly destroyed in the most vile fashions. I guess stuff like this still happens but 150 years ago no one cared. Anyway SCALPED s great! Action, adventure, mystery, intrigue and characters I care about like Dash Badhorse , and I even care about the badguys.

Dash Badhorse is a bad ass

The artwork of R.M. Guera is not only amazing but so perfect for SCALPED. When he doesn't do the art they usually get someone good but it's not the same without him and Jason Aaron is a good near great writer and just came up with a great idea for a comic and has continually delivered solid isssue after issue. And it seems like SCALPED is coming to a conclusion which would be fine and if SCALPED is never made into a movie or cable series that would be just fine. So many good books and alot of them from vertigo and you can get them at the library so no excuses! arty

CLAMFIGHT: Yes CLAMFIGHT!

    I signed on because mankind is sinking with sin. CLAMFIGHT need to expose themselves and I will help expose them! CLAMFIGHT has been around awhile now toiling down among the deadmen , crafting big fat , diabetes inducing , but oh so tasty globs of Metal goodness. I was fortunate enough to get their cd , Vol. 1 , and a kick ass t-shirt as well. For some reason I assumed they played thrash but they don't , not really , they do have some speed to them but their sound is just pure heaviness for the most part and they do it well and they got a immense sound on the cd I got. The drummer , Andy ,  does the yelling , death roars , and singin' while Joe and Sean duke it out on guitar with a guy named Louis on bass. CLAMFIGHT hail from Haddon Heights , NJ. These guys are great and have a totally fuckin' badass name that leaps out at you. What do you think of when you hear CLAMFIGHT? 

   Check 'em out on their facebook and reverbnation pages , sample their stuff , especially if you like heavy shit cos' somehow they do it a little differently than most. And send them cash and porn and heap gold and praise upon them and whatever beverages they enjoy and demon hearts. CLAMFIGHT is a good band and I think most Metal fans would appreciate them. More CLAMFIGHT to come. *ARTY

BELA LUGOSI'S DEAD.....

    " I am carnage! I am death incarnate!" Would love to hear Bela say those lines! Hell , I'd love to hear Bela say " Dude , where's my car?" I was listening to Gilbert Gottfried on youtube doing his Dracula voice  and his Dracula voice is really good and it reminded me how awesome and wonderful Bela Lugosi was! So I noticed on this 50 horror pack I have that I have SCARED TO DEATH. Which I watched and it sucks but the parts with Bela are great! He is a fucking joy to watch and what the fuck happened to Belas career? How did he end up in Ed Wood movies at the end of his career? Not to bag on Ed Wood , I like his movies but Bela should have been in huge movies and died a millionaire. He should have worked with Hitchcock , and Orson Wells , and come out in better films he was great!

    Instead of SCARED TO DEATH. Which was his only color movie. I saw Tim Burtons Ed Wood but does anyone know what happened to his career? Was it him turning down frankenstein , or the drug addiction? I guess all of that shit combined. Anyway , Lugosi was spectacular , there is no one like him in movies today , or the last 25 years for that matter , but he is truly amazing and fun to watch on screen!

     So I been practicing my Dracula voice , and I'm not too shabby I think. But anyone could do it. Try it yourself , it's fun! And check out Gilbert Gottfrieds Dracula voice on youtube , and if anyone has any thoughts on Bela or your favorite movies of his , please leave a comment , I'd like to know. #arty

BATTERY VERSUS BATTERY! Thrash Review

CANNOT KILL THE FAMILY!! BATTERY is a bad-fuckin'-ass Metallica song and a cool name for a band that says , " Make no bones about it , we are METAL!" And the Denmark based BATTERY play some blood blister poppin' kick ass Thrash and you can download 5 songs for free from their facebook page and then you can burn it onto a disc , make a tape of it and pop it into your cars tape deck and drive around , (no drinking of course) while some Metal slut is blowing you! I might just put it on my phone and hit on Asian chicks!    But there is another band with the name of BATTERY and I hear they are a Metallica tribute band , and that's cool , that's cool , but I bet the the raw and furious Thrash band from Denmark are alot cooler to have a beer with!

    Even though I am legally forbidden to drink alcohol until Febuary 2013 , I bet BATTERY are a bunch of cool dudes to hang with and talk to about gore flix , music , and porn bitches as well! Look at their logo , they gotta be cool! They got a good sound , and play some hard and fast Metal and deserve a look , hell , download those songs all ready! *arty
http://www.deadbangers.com/
http://www.batteryshop.bigcartel.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/BatteryDK

battery@live.dk

THE WALKING DEADSHOW

  I read a post on the WALKING DEAD imdb pg that said Maggie ( I call her Maggs) should wear Loris (Whorri , I call her Whorri) , should wear Loris skin to make Rick happy! Man , that's funny! 5 episodes in and this season is all ready better than the first 2 in my expert opinion. It's great cos' at least once a week I am sure to get some good gore. They've K.I.A'ed so many undead fux all ready and the latest episode delivered some great zombi killz! That was great when Michonne detroyed those zombi cuntz! She cut one in half from shoulder to hip , stomped ones head like a tomato , and decapped that bitch like a samurai/ninja/commando!! And rick with the axe! It was great! Other than that I love Maggs , don't love Andrea and I wish Michonne would get her own spinoff show and comic. She's translated

You sexy bitch!

so well from comic book page to screen and I am all ready ready to put her up there with other female bad asses like Sarah Connor and Ellen Ripley. I like how out of place she looks in Woodbury and doesn't trust anyone.    And thanx to Robert Kirkman , the fat bastard deserves a super porn visit/session from Jasmine Byrne and Asa Akira for putting out such great comics.Fat bastard! I deserve a visit from at least Jasmine by the way. That's it. *arty

you sexy big eyed bitch zombi!