THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN MST3K EPISODE

    Guess you'll just have to stay for dinner! Or should I say....as dinner. Ahh , too bad The Incredible Melting Man didn't have any lines in the movie. This one is another classic from my younger teenage days of renting movies from Blockbuster to marvel at the amazing efx by master craftsman Rick Baker. Looking at it years later I see that it suxx , I see that but I also see that THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN was a showcase for Bakers phenomenal make up work. But just because the rest of the movie suxx doesn't mean I don't enjoy it anymore. The acting is bad , but good bad not bad bad or boring bad. It's got a topless scene from Rainbeaux Smith and a scientist walking around with a geiger counter yelling " This is Mike Nelson! " about 25 times throughout the movie. so it still has alot of stuff going for it.             

    Then , I found the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER episode of THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN on youtube. It was a bit weird at first seeing a movie I liked and had seen more than a few times made fun of by the Mike and the bots. They take aim and fire round after round of high powered humor right through The Incredible Melting Mans liquefying brain pan! Tom Servo is my favorite bot but it seems like Crow t. Robot comes up with the funniest lines most of the time , but I like Tom because he is so emotional. And I read some of the comments on youtube and it seems the skits they were doing for this episode were aimed at the producers and executives behind the MST3K Movie.

But fuck all that , really THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN is enjoyable with or without the MST3K commentary. The makeup is great and the end scene where he completely melts down and is scooped up by a janitor and dumped in a trash can is great gruesome fun for gore fans.They pretty much show everything except for the topless scene with Rainbeaux Smith. It was made in 1977....that's all I got. -arty

PARANORMAL WITNESS Scared The Pants off me!

    Well , ya know what they say: " No pain , no reign - OF TERROR that is! Got home from my shitjob the other day and I wanted to watch something in the spirit of Halloween and boy did I find it! PARANORMAL WITNESS. I have been reviewing old 70's horror/monster movies and while they couldn't be further apart they do have some things in common. If you still haven't seen PARANORMAL WITNESS it's a show on the Sci Fi network and chronicles the true life stories of people who have had encounters with the supernatural  , paranormal , and downright creepy! The folks will recount their experience while they show re enactments with actors and , for the most part , digital efx . There are other shows like this on other channels , I'm sure you've seen 'em but PARANORMAL WITNESS put a scare into me! The majority of them seem to be about ghost stories but two that I saw that I really liked had to deal with a alien abduction and a family being stalked by a werewolf!
    The alien abduction episode actually tells the tale of the almost unbelievable story of the logger Travis Walton who was taken by extraterrestrials ,  and this story was previously made into the feature film FIRE IN THE SKY. I saw FIRE IN THE SKY so I knew the basics of the Hollywood version but the PARANORMAL WITNESS episode had interviews with the people that were really there and you get to hear in their own words how the harrowing ordeal went down. Hearing their testimonials , especially that of the older , wiser , Travis is still emotional and chilling.
    The "The Cabin/Ghost In The Garden" episode is really good too , because instead of a malevolent spirit it has a shaggy bipedal nocturnal anthropomorphic peeping tom! In London , Ohio a family ,by their account , were being stalked by some mysterious creature! This episode was frightening as well! Maybe these people were exaggerating , perhaps the whole story is a fabrication but these people believe and I choose to believe them as well. But at this point I don't care if the show is real or fake it is a entertaining program and sent a chill through me! The re enactments are well done and the parts where you see the creature are scary! Like I mentioned before I think the majority of the efx are cg but they look decent and are put to effective use. it's funny that this show is way better than the movies sy fy has been producing and generates some real scares and the sy fy original movies SUCK! No kidding , I do enjoy alot of the original sy fy movies but for the past 2 years or so these movies bite the big one! Including the CHILLER channel , I mean , really , did you see Steve Nile REMAINS or Brian Keenes GHOUL? They sucked and I really liked the GHOUL book!
    PARANORMAL WITNESS gave me some of the same feelings that IN SEARCH OF... would give me or LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK and some of the better Bigfoot docs of the late 70's and early 80's. Anyone remember IN SEARCH OF....?And reminds me of the better parts of the old cheezy 70's horror I love. Each episode of PARANORMAL WITNESS creates a atmosphere , the re enactments carry weight , they hold water for me and even though they are interspersed between the people re telling what they experienced they seem to let some of these scenes breathe and linger. And the really good use of cheap cgi , some of the ghosts look pretty damn wicked!
    PARANORMAL WITNESS has immediately become one of my new favorite shows , new episodes come out Wednesdays at 9:00 in whatever timezone your in I guess , and I guess this is a ad for sy fy channel and I want some $ , or poon , or at least all the PARANORMAL WITNESS seasons on dvd and the sy fy originals MANSQUITO , HAMMERHEAD , YETI , ABOMINABLE , YETI , FRANKENFISH , SHARKTOPUS......that's all I can think of. Oh wait cancel HOT SET!  Arty

MOON OF THE WOLF

    Ya wanna kill people? Cripes Beelzebub! Why didn't ya SAY so? all ya gotta do is --turn into a werewolf! I wanted to watch and review another 70's cheapo monster flick and I picked this one , MOON OF THE WOLF from my Mill Creek 50 pack sci-fi set. I'd never heard of this one and found out it was a tv movie from 1971. And it's a decent flick to throw on late at night if you want something with that 70's atmosphere and a monster in it. What helps is the swampy bayou setting and that it is a murder mystery that slowly builds toward a conclusion and delivers. I guess since it aims kinda low it hits the mark and in this case that's okay. The actors do their job and there is some tension and eerie atmosphere in some parts but no gore , which again in defense of MOON OF THE WOLF is not a hindrance to it's enjoyment factor.

    I got this Mill Creek 50 movies set for my birthday thanx to my co-worker Carlos and it has GALAXY INVADER on it which is a movie I really wanted. it also has alot of other movies I'm not so excited about and some I know a bit about but 2 good movies for a birthday gift is cool ; maybe there are some other good ones on here and if there are I'll blog about them. And by the way if anyone reads this or any of my reviews I'd appreciate it if you leave a comment. Thanx! Arty

    

THE BLOODWATERS OF DOCTOR Z!

    MAXIMUM CARNAGE!!! Maximum Carnage goin' on in The BLOOD WATERS OF DOCTOR Z a.k.a ZAAT! Actually that is not true , I'm lying on that one. It would be even better if BLOOD WATERS OF DOCTOR Z was a gore fest but it's not and that's okay , even though there is some bloodletting in the picture.

    My first encounter with this movie is when it aired on TCM underground a year or so back. It came on around 1:30 AM so I taped it because I could not stay up to watch the whole thing and I was pretty intrigued because I had never heard of ZAAT so it was this completely new undiscovered grade - B cult film about a monster and that was right up my alley! I really dig flicks in the mold of CREATURE OF THE BLACK LAGOON. OCTA MAN , HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP , RANA: The Legend Of Shadow Lake and on that night ZAAT. It's your basic monster movie ; a mad scientist turns himself into a aquatic beast to conquer not just the world but the whole flippin' universe! The monster design is bad but so cool in it's terribleness , the actors are bad which is good , and it was filmed in the early 70's and has this weird dreamy quality to it and it has moments where we see the creature walking around either in silence or with echoey voiceover that adds to the quirkiness. It's a bit hypnotizing and that is part of the reason I have seen the MST3K version a few times since I no longer have a vcr to watch my dub of it. It's a movie I like to have on in the background for it's ambient feel.


Which brings me to the MST3K ultrastrike riff mongering of this movie! I was beside my self with fanboy joy when I found this! I all ready liked the movie but discovering their version changed the movie , it reinvigorated it and tripled it's cool factor! Mike and the bots make alot of fun of BLOOD WATERS OF DOCTOR Z; maybe not as rapid fire as they do other movies but maybe they too were lulled into the films lucid dream state but they come up with alot of good ribs on the monster suite and the scientist before he turns into a catfish monster and the skits they do in between commercial breaks are classic! This is another one on my top 10 list of favorite MST3K episodes and they have this one on a dvd with THE CRAWLING EYE , THE BEATNIKS , and THE FINAL SACRIFICE. My pick would be this , IT LIVES BY NIGHT , TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST , and THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN!
    Unbelievably there is a blu-ray/dvd combo of ZAAT! Loaded with xtras: Original movie postcard art , original 35 mil trailer , tv spots , out takes , photo gallery , spanish subs , and commentary. I wish all these old forgotten beat up cinema gems got this level of treatment for their dvd and if anyone wanted to get me ZAAT for christmas or my birthday I would not be against that! Viewing ZAAT recently it has made me want to re - visit my collection of old man in a rubber suit movies which is a good thing. Now , he's down , .....doppleganger finish him! Arty

The Final (In) Justice of Joe Don Baker MST3K Style!

    ....And right now I wanna turn mommy into cold cuts....so Joe Don can have something to snack on!I've seen the MST3K version of FINAL JUSTICE 2 and a half times now and it's jumped onto my list of top 10 favorite MST3K episodes faster than Joe Don on a German chocolate cake! And who is Joe Don Baker , or JDB as I'll be referring to him as in this review? Well, he's this gentleman you see above and actually a pretty decent actor whose come out in tons of movies , most notably GOLDENEYE and CAPE FEAR and he is a good memorable actor with a cool southern accent to boot. But Mike and the bots really rip into old JDB making fun of his weight , eating habits , (my favorite) , hygiene , the way he talks , almost everything about the man and it made me laugh so hard I almost couldn't breathe!
    I watched it by myself but then made my friend Matt and his brother Dom see it with me and they obliged me and they laughed right along with me at all the barbs and one liners aimed at poor old JDB! Which made the experience even better! We always have a good time watching movies together or reading comix or playing xbox , pretty much anything and this blog is about how much fun I have watching these movies with them as it is about the MST3K FINAL JUSTICE and I hope we view more of my favorite MST3K episodes together , (hint , hint) and next time I'll bring the snax guys! Grape soda?
    Oh yeah , FINAL JUSTICE. It's a action/cop/fish outta water story where JDB's character Deputy sheriff Geronimo , escorts a criminal back to Italy to hand him over to the Italian authorities but are waylaid in Malta where the badguy gets away and Geronimo has to catch him again while being a good ol' Texas boy stranger in a strange land. But really it's about the MST3K cast making fun of JDB and it is almost nonstop! Me Matt, and Dom were repeating the best ones to each other and even the ones not directed at JDB were laugh out loud worthy! And FINAL JUSTICE is worth seeing again! The end credit scene is also one of the funniest parts when Crow and Servo singalong with the theme songs but changing the lyrics and sing about JDB's huge appetite! One youtube comment said someone told JDB about the MST3K version of FINAL JUSTICE and he was non to  pleased about it and the cast of MST3K dreads the day they mean ol' JDB! that would be worth filming!  Arty

TROMAS WAR review

    SO! Which of yer eyes you want plucked out first? Or would you rather be surprised? Dialogue like that woulda made TROMAS WAR better but it's still pretty good for what it is and what it is is a later 80's action movie. Troma studios have made a fe good "bad" movies but for the most part their output suxx. but TROMAS WAR is pretty good. A airliner goes down on a island off the coast of Cuber (Cuba) and the survivors of the crash must band together to fight the terrorists encamped on the island. Fight for their survival but also to stop the terrorists from implementing their nefarious plans of attacking America.
    I guess Troma used to have some kind of budget for their films and people who knew how to do special efx because they have alot of explosions and squibs and sets where they showcase the action scenes. and they must have been able to hire real actors because the cast is pretty likeable and seem like they pull together like a real team and I was rooting for them. Even the guy who becomes the leader , whose name I can't remember , was okay for a pretty boy third rate Patrick Swayze action dude , and the James Bondish British dude , even the used car salesman Viet Nam vet who starts out as a jerk and a psycho changes and I liked him too by the end of the movie. Lots and lots of action and politically incorrect Tromatic humor and kooky comic book wannabe villains and some boobies but done alot better than your average Troma movie. I will probably even watch TROMAS WAR again one day and that's the best compliment you can give a Troma movie. Arty

Squirm - The Mystery Science Theater 3000 version

   Better check the stove. I think somethins' burnin! I first saw Squirm when I was a little punk kid and it scared me pretty good. Then I re-saw it a few years ago and saw how cheezy it is but liked it's low on budget but high on character and imagination worm infested charm. It doesn't have gore or nudity but there's something to it ; I guess it is a bit eerie , weird , and fun and who isn't grossed out by hordes of worms?
    Recently I viewed the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of Squirm and was floored by how Mike Nelson and the bots , Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo , ripped this movie a new hole and made it a hilarious viewing pleasure and made me see Squirm in a new vibrant strobing day glow light! I used to watch MST3K back in the 90's and thought it was good but nowadays it's even funnier to me and I've seen their version of Squirm 3 times now and it just gets funnier! I've convinced 3 of my friends to watch it with me and we were laughing our asses off almost the whole time! They make good clean fun of Squirm and the south where it's set and the southern accents but do not get too mean or nasty with it. In fact this episode inspired me to get my co-workers to speak in a southern accent on sundays. Southern Day , we call it!
    The quips , barbs , and knee slappers come fast and furious and have immense re - quotable value and I even spout off these one liners and jokes when I'm alone and it still makes me laugh and smile!! If you haven't seen Mystery Science Theater 3000 but you do like shlocky grade - B horror , sci-fi , and just plain bad and weird movies you should give MST3K a chance and if you have not seen it in awhile now would be a good time to re-visit Joel , Mike, and the bots. And every MST3K fan has their favorite episodes and this is one of mine and I will keep on reviewing from my top 10 list of funniest episodes. I been watching them on youtube and if you check 'em out start with Squirm so you can be the wormface! Arty