BELA LUGOSI'S DEAD.....

    " I am carnage! I am death incarnate!" Would love to hear Bela say those lines! Hell , I'd love to hear Bela say " Dude , where's my car?" I was listening to Gilbert Gottfried on youtube doing his Dracula voice  and his Dracula voice is really good and it reminded me how awesome and wonderful Bela Lugosi was! So I noticed on this 50 horror pack I have that I have SCARED TO DEATH. Which I watched and it sucks but the parts with Bela are great! He is a fucking joy to watch and what the fuck happened to Belas career? How did he end up in Ed Wood movies at the end of his career? Not to bag on Ed Wood , I like his movies but Bela should have been in huge movies and died a millionaire. He should have worked with Hitchcock , and Orson Wells , and come out in better films he was great!

    Instead of SCARED TO DEATH. Which was his only color movie. I saw Tim Burtons Ed Wood but does anyone know what happened to his career? Was it him turning down frankenstein , or the drug addiction? I guess all of that shit combined. Anyway , Lugosi was spectacular , there is no one like him in movies today , or the last 25 years for that matter , but he is truly amazing and fun to watch on screen!

     So I been practicing my Dracula voice , and I'm not too shabby I think. But anyone could do it. Try it yourself , it's fun! And check out Gilbert Gottfrieds Dracula voice on youtube , and if anyone has any thoughts on Bela or your favorite movies of his , please leave a comment , I'd like to know. #arty

BATTERY VERSUS BATTERY! Thrash Review

CANNOT KILL THE FAMILY!! BATTERY is a bad-fuckin'-ass Metallica song and a cool name for a band that says , " Make no bones about it , we are METAL!" And the Denmark based BATTERY play some blood blister poppin' kick ass Thrash and you can download 5 songs for free from their facebook page and then you can burn it onto a disc , make a tape of it and pop it into your cars tape deck and drive around , (no drinking of course) while some Metal slut is blowing you! I might just put it on my phone and hit on Asian chicks!    But there is another band with the name of BATTERY and I hear they are a Metallica tribute band , and that's cool , that's cool , but I bet the the raw and furious Thrash band from Denmark are alot cooler to have a beer with!

    Even though I am legally forbidden to drink alcohol until Febuary 2013 , I bet BATTERY are a bunch of cool dudes to hang with and talk to about gore flix , music , and porn bitches as well! Look at their logo , they gotta be cool! They got a good sound , and play some hard and fast Metal and deserve a look , hell , download those songs all ready! *arty
http://www.deadbangers.com/
http://www.batteryshop.bigcartel.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/BatteryDK

battery@live.dk

THE WALKING DEADSHOW

  I read a post on the WALKING DEAD imdb pg that said Maggie ( I call her Maggs) should wear Loris (Whorri , I call her Whorri) , should wear Loris skin to make Rick happy! Man , that's funny! 5 episodes in and this season is all ready better than the first 2 in my expert opinion. It's great cos' at least once a week I am sure to get some good gore. They've K.I.A'ed so many undead fux all ready and the latest episode delivered some great zombi killz! That was great when Michonne detroyed those zombi cuntz! She cut one in half from shoulder to hip , stomped ones head like a tomato , and decapped that bitch like a samurai/ninja/commando!! And rick with the axe! It was great! Other than that I love Maggs , don't love Andrea and I wish Michonne would get her own spinoff show and comic. She's translated

You sexy bitch!

so well from comic book page to screen and I am all ready ready to put her up there with other female bad asses like Sarah Connor and Ellen Ripley. I like how out of place she looks in Woodbury and doesn't trust anyone.    And thanx to Robert Kirkman , the fat bastard deserves a super porn visit/session from Jasmine Byrne and Asa Akira for putting out such great comics.Fat bastard! I deserve a visit from at least Jasmine by the way. That's it. *arty

you sexy big eyed bitch zombi!

HAUNT Trade #2:Comic Book Review

     An ex priest shacking up with and ass bangin' a hot ass blond ex hooker? Sounds like a new sitcom on FOX! Sign me up! Not really , but that is one of the cool things about the comic book HAUNT! Along with all the violence and gore and super cool design , look , and total badassery of the title character , HAUNT! Everyone loves THE WALKING DEAD , and I love it too , but in some ways HAUNT is better. For one , it is a super hero book , but it's different than your average super hero book in that HAUNT works with the government. And this book has a sense of humor where as THE WALKING DEAD has no humor. NONE!

     And HAUNT looks so cool , just as cool as VENOM & CARNAGE and I want my HAUNT t-shirt and poster and a toy and a video game and a movie that is just as gory as PUNISHER:WAR ZONE and RAMBO! And a HAUNT button.
This trade collects six issues , it's action packed and it was a great read and I can't wait till I get the next one and find out more about The APPARITION!      And I cannot fail to mention the talents of penciller Greg Capullo , inker Jonathan Glapion , and colorist Fco Plasencia. These guys worked hard on this book and made Robert Kirkmans story even better. And Todd McFarlane helped out too. Really can't praise HAUNT enough , I read it slow to stretch it out and I want more. Get book one next time you go get your WALKING DEAD fix. *arty

HELL dvd review

    By the way....that Asa Akira is a babe. She should have been in this movie. She's probably going to hell for all the anal she's done. Anyway I'm a sucker for a cool dvd cover and I thought this had a cool cover when I first saw it at wal mart , then I was at blockbuster looking for JUICE and I saw this so I rented it.
    The film makers had to have seen THE ROAD, and loved it and wanted to make their own type of post apocalyptic film and they did , and they got a great look for HELL , really good , and a good feel for their movie ; it really looks desolate and after the end of the world but the story is nowhere near as bleak , depressing , engrossing , and downright fucking scary as the ROAD. The ROAD was fucking scary with those fucking cannibals! Fuck!
    HELL is about 4 people trying to survive and find drinking water in a world where the sun has gotten hotter and destroying most of the life on earth. And there are cannibals but it is not bloody or gory and there is very little violence.
    I'm a HUGE fan of the post apocalyptic genre , and the zombie genre , and these new post apocalyptic movies have become more low key and minimalist than the ones from the 80's and The ROAD along with BOOK OF ELI were great , and while HELL was well made it did not offer any thing to the genre. But I had to seen it since

BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE Wants To Fuck Our Moms!

    Feel the fury nonbelievers! I'm sure you've heard the name of this band in your circle of Metal Madness. BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE. I've heard it to of course. I saw their cd 'Scream , Aim , Fire' at my local library and I didn't know anything about B.F.M.V, I thought they would be like My Chemical Romance , and that was just because they have the word MY in their name. Which is stupid but I figured I'd check it out , but I was hesitant because I didn't want to to put my Heavy Metal street cred in jeopardy by checking out a B.F.M.V cd from my local library. Again a stupid thing to think considering no one gives a shit! So I got it and I liked it and was surprised that B.F.M.V. is mostly thrash! Total Metal , it's fast , and they even have some Death vox!

    So , I don't fully understand why Metal Headz generally seem to dislike B.F.M.V. Maybe  it's jealousy since they've made it , they do world tours and they are probably making some good scratch but what I would be jealous of, hell , what I am jealous of is all the fine snatchgrass these guys are laying down on a nightly basis! These B.F.M.V. guys are bangin' broads all over the world! They'd gangbang your girlfriend and your sister if they could! That's the problem I have with BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE and their long hair and chiseled bodies and rock star status! You know they scored with that badass Metal chick with the long silky black hair , come hither smile and stare , in a black denim skirt. Or the cool cute little thrash chick that gets in the pit! They just kicked her sweet ass off the bus as I write these words! I can imagine what it would be like if you had a cute Metal chick as a girlfriend and she's kind of a slut and she's drunk and she gets on their tour bus! anyway , now I'm pissed off and don't know how to finish this blog! I still like their music since I got it all at the library for free. even got one of their shirts for a quarter at the Salvation Army. You should do the same! #arty

MONDO TRASHO! Movie review

 I've done a few nasty perverted things in my life. Not as many as I would have liked to do but as I am writing this I am watching MONDO TRASHO and I count that as being perverted! If you like all these wonderful , great , lovely movies like BLOOD FEAST , MUDHONEY , and shit like that and you are a HUGE John Waters addict/devotee then I think it is mandatory that you seek out MONDO TRASHO. I almost called my zine MONDO TRASHO! Maybe it will get a dvd release someday , maybe it won't but I'm viewing it here on youtube , and thanx to XTRONEX for uploading it! Much love and candy and oral sex n' drugz to you XTRONEX! There is no talking in MONDO TRASHO , there is audio , lots and lots of music from John Waters personal collection and I'm not surprised that John Waters and Martin Scorsese have the same musical tastes.    MONDO  TRASHO is not as good as PINK FLAMINGOS but it is not boring and as a fan of these movies I would love to have a special edition of MONDO TRASHO for my collection!    A FEW THOUGHTS WHILE I WAS WATCHING MONDO TRASHO:

    Waters or someone should remake MONDO TRASHO. John Waters should have made a zombie movie back in the 70's.
Can't hardly wait to see MULTIPLE MANIACS!
I need to brush my teeth.
57 minutes into this movie.

    Lastly I'm still stoked that I'm seeing this on youtube!! I thought I'd never see it and watching it makes me think of when I used to do drugs. I don't do illegal drugs any longer and in fact I am anti-drug these days. *arty