ROY ORBISON: The Man With The Voice!

I just got a wild porcupine quill up my nose and was listening to some good ol' Roy Orbison on the way to my horrible job , MY GOD, this man has one of the best , greatest , most wonderful voices in the history of Rock N' roll!!!! I knew this all ready , I'm sure you knew this too , but I don't listen to him all that often and I don't know why?! Oh yeah , I'm a stupid asshole , that's why , but what is your excuse? Your not a stupid asshole , so you must have another reason. " I don't have any Orbison in my musical collection?" you say? Well , that aint much of an excuse either , just tread on down to your local library and request it from the librarian. They love it when you do that.
    And Roys so great! I been listening to him in the morning but he's even better at night! His voice just rips your heart out and leaves you sad , lonely , and blue , just like girls do to us guys , those heartless evil witches!! Roy knows , he knows , so he helps us through the pain..........by reminding you how sad you are!
    Roys dead now. But I think he truly does come through and live through his music , more than Elvis , John Lennon , or Billy Holiday and I like Billy! So I hope you listen to some Roy today , he's so great and will help clean out some of the crap out of your daily life. I'm gonna go listen to some of his songs right now! *arty 

GOREMATORY: Where Are They?

    As I sit here working on my 12 inch , I'm contemplating about what band to scrawl out some words about and I thought "GOREMATORY". Remember them? GOREMATORY from New Jersey who were supposed to play the 2011 Gore Growlers Ball but for reasons unknown to me didn't. Which SUCKED! cos' they were one of the new bands I was looking forward to seeing. If you don't know GOREMATORY consists of 3 Metal Headz , Vince Lepore , Jerry Bakerman , and Kevin Lopez and these maniaxe play some dirty rotten thrashy Death in the vein of IMPALED , GHOUL , and EXHUMED while definately putting their personalities into the mix. They did 3 demos , 'Sadistic Psychos' , 'Devoured By The Dead' , and a self titled demo and they made a video too , called 'Medical Execution'! Which is pretty good so check it out on youtube.        But I think they broke up , or changed their name which I don't understand because I'm an idiot but also because GOREMATORY is a badass name , you're like WOW that's cool they took two cool words and stuck them together to make one super cool word and you know by the name what kind of  music they play.

    What's even cooler and weirder is that you can download their album "ZOMBIE SLAUGHTER FEST" for free. Just google Torn Flesh Records Gorematory and it will come up for free download! I did it and I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. It's fuckin' badass! They really have a big thrash influence but they don't sound like anyone I can pinpoint right away. You can't listen to it and say " Oh there's a SLAYER riff , or DEMOLITION HAMMER , or SEPULTURA."

    So what happened to you guys? Is GOREMATORY dead? Did you re - name the band or reform , because you guys should be on RAZORBACK , BRUTAL BANDS , even METAL BLADE 'cos 'Zombie Slaughter Fest' is a fun , fast , unpretentious piece of glorious Heavy Metal Death that any fan without a jaded dry rusty pipe firmly lodged up their ass would enjoy. Thank You! *arty

BLOOD FEAST: Maybe kind of like a trilogy if I can review another BLOOD movie

    Had some grape soda and fritos n' bean dip while viewing BLOOD FEAST tonight. And I didn't realize that BLOOD FEAST is only one hour and seven minutes AND that it came out in 1963. I thought it came out in the late 60's , but anyway , WHERE WERE YOU WHEN YOU FIRST SAW BLOOD FEAST? I was at my aunts house when I saw it late one friday or saturday night. It was on THE MOVIE CHANNEL and might have been hosted by Joe Bob Briggs but I can't be certain of that. I had all ready been buying FANGO for awhile and FANGO was my bible back then!! Same for you? Yeah me to! So FANGO had built it up as a gore film with classic status! At least that's how I remember it.

    So it was exciting to see that first time and it did create some creepy atmosphere , especially with the music , the musical score is great! maybe someone can burn it for me and send it to me or email it to me! That would be really nice! And I can't remember if I saw BLOOD FEAST before EVIL DEAD 2 , DAY OF THE DEAD and RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD , because those 3 movies really influenced me in the type of horror movies I like. So I like to think that BLOOD FEAST was my intro to the gore film.

    Watching on youtube today I still enjoy it. And I want the dvd , I hear the commentary is really good and I think it is H.G. Lewis's masterpiece. I hear COLOR ME BLOOD RED is better but I still have not seen it.    And I would of loved to see a zombie movie by H.G. Lewis? A rip off of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD but looking like BLOOD FEAST! Perhaps made right after NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.  Anyone else agree or give a shit?

    So where were you the first time you saw BLOOD FEAST? Leave some comments and thanx for reading this the 3 of you and I will keep doing reviews , except for A SERBIAN FILM , anything by Eli Roth , and found footage movies. *ARTY

BLOOD SHACK DVD: It's a little place.....A review

    We got Dracula , The Marx Brothers , the 3 Stooges , and Ray Dennis Steckler gives us BLOOD SHACK aka THE CHOOPER. But we love RDS , we love and miss him. No Bull. I saw BLOOD SHACK today on youtube , have you seen BLOOD SHACK , I saw BLOOD SHACK , so , yeah. BLOOD SHACK is bad and it's boring but it was made in 1979 so it still has that charm that low budget horror from the 70's movies have that cannot be re-created today. Super low budget movies today will usually always look and sound the same and BLOOD SHACK at least has a look ,because RDS could shoot a movie , he knew how to film and new stuff and the first moments of BLOOD SHACK really creates some dreamy cold atmosphere which is torn the fuck apart once we jump into the scene of the blond chick who wants to spend the night in the BLOOD SHACK and confront the CHOOPER.        One of the 3 characters is a rail thin dude named Daniel who has some great scenes , and even the 2 kids are funny and BLOOD SHACK is 55 minutes , not even a hour and I saw it on youtube so I didn't have to buy it even though I kinda wanted to just because of the dvd cover , which has NOTHING to do with the movie!So now I don't have to buy it.

BLOOD SHACK DVD COVER

    BUT WAIT! I checked on the dvd on amazon and with shipping it's not even $5.00 AND it comes with 2 versions of the movie AND comedic commentary by JOE BOB BRIGGS! I think I gotta here that. Thanks to Ray Dennis Steckler for making these movies and it's a shame e didn't make one more movie in modern times for us. I would watch it. It would be better than Transformers 3 that's for sure. To you Ray!*arty

STAR CRASH Is Not Better than THE EMPIRE STIKES BACK , But It''s Still Pretty Good.

   HOLY FUCK! Is this wrong? But Holy Hell! Is this erotic! I finally saw STAR CRASH! I wasn't exactly in the STAR CRASH frame of mind but looking back on that night 2 long days ago I gotta say that watching STAR CRASH is almost as much fun as playing with a big ol' titty! And not one of mine either!

Assholehoff with the lightsaber!

Caroline Muno

    They toss every kind of special effect in here along with as many Star Wars , Star Trek , and Flash Gordon reference and rip offs they can. Caroline Munro is super hot and Joe Spinell is woefully and mathematically out of place in STAR CRASH.

Joe Spinell!

    And David Assholehoff! I forgot about him and Christopher Plummer adds some credibility to this along with the score which is great as you all know. And the swarthy guy with the hawknose and afro? We won't even get into him! Well , he has a fuckin' light saber!  And I saw this on netflix and what the hell is with netflix , why do they have to show the 1983 Captain USA tv version? Remember Captain USA? Anyway , STAR CRASH is alot of fun , better than LASER BLAST even and now I think I have to pick up the 2 disc special edition. And why didn't STAR CRASH get the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 treatment , WHY? It is perfect fodder for MST3K! *arty

LASER BLAST! It's No Star Wars!

I'm reading TRANSMETROPOLITAN and in this comic the main character has a weapon called a bowel disruptor. A gun that gives you explosive diarhea! That would be alot cooler than a chintzy old star trek phaser or even a storm troopers blaster. I mean , yeah a lazer gun would be cool but a gun that would make someone shit like a ass canon would be totally righteous! 

this is the cover I rented

Eddie Deezen

    I actually got LASER BLAST years ago from Blockbuster and I thought it was okay , not too terrible but I saw it with the MST3K treatment and have watched it several times and it climbed onto my favorite top 10 list. Alot of people dom't like this movie but I don't think they've seen it with the MST3K commentary. Mike n' the bots really lay into and make fun of the fact that it's set in the 70's and make some weed jokes , some of which are directed at Mike ,  and the kid that finds the lazer who kind of looks like Mark Hamil , and LASER BLAST also has Cheryl 'Rainbeaux' Smith , who was in THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN , and Eddie Deezen! Who doesn't know and love Eddie deezen!?! Who is a bully in this movie!?! Plus this movie has some great stop motion and the guy who finds the lazer starts to turn into a creature the more he uses the lazer , and as I'm writing all this down , how can anyone into these kinds of movies not like LASER BLAST? The kid blows all kinds of shit up in firery explosions. And Charles Band had a hand in this , that's why it is under the FULL MOON banner , but don't let that deter you.

    So it's a good episode but it's a decent movie in it's own off beat weird way and on amazon they have the dvd for between $15.00 and $20.00 , which is too high a price to pay now that I think about it , but you can see the MST3K version on youtube. and once you see it with the MST3K treatment it might be hard to see it without it.

A Night Tide of PESTILENT DEATH!

    In my moronitude I assumed PESTILENT DEATH to be old school thrash. No , they are not! PESTILENT DEATH drop a bulldozer heavy load of elephant guts right on top of you with their heavy , heavy Death Metal plague. I don't know how these newer bands record their music but the stuff I heard from PESTILENT DEATH sounds better than some cds I have that were recorded in studios! And they play music that justifies them having such a thick sound. Don't get me wrong though they do get fast and are not pure doom death and thank god there is no pigsquealing! Vocals are deep and guttural and evoke images of green gassy swamps or a blue tinged foggy old graveyard with skeletal zombies slowly erupting from the grave.......instead of a pig getting fucked up the ass by a slaughterhouse employee.